It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My penis needs a shock collar
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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