i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
