I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
