I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize