i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
