he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
