you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I CAN MOONWALK!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
