My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
