Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
