Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
