New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
