Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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