I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
