i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
