If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
