You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
