Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
