And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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