i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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