....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
