I'm so fucking centered right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
