Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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