i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize