why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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