i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
