Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
