there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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