1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
