my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
