So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize