On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
