That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
