I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
