porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
