You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Terrible idea I love it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
