Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
