Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
