Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
