Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
