my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
