My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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