Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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