Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I smell like Dick and happiness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
