Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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