Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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