I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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