Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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