I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
