I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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