sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
