So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
