Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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