just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
