nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my shit smells like andre
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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