No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
