I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize