Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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