i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize