i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
