If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
