I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
