i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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