Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize