i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
soo... how was my night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
