Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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