We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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