Swine flu. Run for my life!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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