the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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