My room smells like vodka and shame
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
