Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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