I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize