hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
