if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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