Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
