I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
