My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
