It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
