I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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