You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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