one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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