I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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