You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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