Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize