Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
