Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
