Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
