drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
