I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
