I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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