i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this is an emotional support booty call
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