i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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