you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
